Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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