Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
