Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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