dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
