bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
