Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
