i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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