I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
