I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you inspire me to be a worse person
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
