I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
