My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
