no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
