so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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