I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
