So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
