This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
