Screwed.edu
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
