I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
