Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
