tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
