Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
