Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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