Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
