he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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