He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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