Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
