Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
