i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
