The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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