Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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