You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
