I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
