Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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