Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
