So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
