i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
