I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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