so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
