were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Too much gin, very little bucket
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
