Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
