The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
