Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
