the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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