I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
