That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
