that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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