At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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