So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
