im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
birth control should be required to get into college
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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