you traded sex for a burrito?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
